I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
