when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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