went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
