goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
