I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
