sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
