You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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