I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did I show you my penis last night?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
