he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
