We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
