My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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