TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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