remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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