Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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