well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
