Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
