go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
