We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
