Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
