I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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