ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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