When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
