Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
