Need sex. Gaining weight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
