I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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