im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
