I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
