I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
