Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
