The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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