I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
