oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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