Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
