how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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