school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
your like the ambassador to my penis.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
