I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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