your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
