please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
