You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
