She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
