remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
