Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
