so that wasnt chicken after all
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
