Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
