Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
