Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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