He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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