I smell stomach acid.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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