You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pooping to opera.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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