What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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