You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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