So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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